Tempted by Ease

"To be honest, I can't imagine how a person could say, 'I'm weak,' and then stay that way. If you know that about yourself, why not fight it, why not develop your character? Their answer has always been: 'Because it's much easier not to!' This reply leaves me feeling rather discouraged. Easy? Does that mean a life of deceit and laziness is easy too? Oh no, that can't be true. It can't be true that people are so readily tempted by ease." -Anne Frank

Up until about two weeks ago, I had been dealing with the constant problem of laziness and procrastination. It's not that I didn't know what I ought to do... I just couldn't seem to bring myself to care enough to do anything about it. Apathy is a dangerous weapon of Satan's. Instead of doing the obvious thing and placing a temptation in your life, which you might be able to pray through and overcome, he instead saps your will to do anything at all, leaving you a mere lump of lard on your couch. He's subtle that way.

I compare the way I became so apathetic to the way you would go about boiling a frog. If you just toss the frog into hot water, it will try to escape, for it will realize its danger. But if you put that same frog in cold water and heat it up slowly, it will never even know it is being boiled alive. I began by putting things off a little. Ah, I'll take care of it in a minute. Then it grew. That will keep until tomorrow. Eventually, the idea of expending the least amount of effort was completely unappealing to me. I was the epitome of the sluggard:

"The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he will not even bring it back to his mouth!" -Proverbs 19:24

I was really too lazy to cook something if I got hungry, or pour a glass of water if I was thirsty. I wasn't getting anything done--I was keeping busy with all the usual stuff, but I was just going through the motions. The worst of it was, I was aware of my laziness the whole time. I would intend to do something about it... but everyday I managed to convince myself that it was too hard, or that I didn't have the time, or that I was too tired; the list goes on endlessly.

And then there came a weekend when there would be no distractions: no work, no computer, no telephone calls... no friends, even. I went up to Roanoke Bible College for the placement testing and the college preview weekend, and as a last-minute decision, I grabbed The Purpose Driven Life as I was walking out the door to get on the road. So I had three days with just a Bible, a book, a journal and a pen.

As I began to read, and pray--having nothing better to do--God reminded me of his love for me, and of my love for him. He reminded me of my calling (Jeremiah 1:4-10 & 17 & 19), and my reason for being on this earth.

"Love is not Christ making much of us or making life easy. Love is doing what he must do, at great cost to Himself (and often to us), to enable us to enjoy making much of Him forever." -John Piper

Early in my life as a Christian, I prayed to be given a hard task. I've always wanted to live my life on an epic scale, viewing it as a grand adventure, where good must ultimately triumph over evil. Well, God granted my request. He offered me a hard task... and my journey has been incredibly hard. I have endured difficulties and temptations from without, but my greatest struggles have been with myself. Who can combat my laziness and apathy except me? No one can force me to put forth any real effort. No one can make me do any more than the bare minimum. I have to choose to work with all my heart.

A wise person once said to me:

"If you don't think that you can push yourself and do your best for yourself, then push yourself and do your best for God." -Jonathan Phipps

It was certainly by no will of my own that I began in earnest to pray and study again. It is not my will that's been dragging my butt out of bed at six o'clock every morning so I'll have time to myself to pray. God's will is stronger than mine; all I had to do was surrender myself to it.

"To what will you look for help if you will not look to that which is stronger than yourself?" -C. S. Lewis

And now, because I have turned from all the trying, all the struggling and fighting, and even from the despair and resignation, and have prayed the simple but earnest prayer, "God help me," I am experiencing a closeness with God that I had almost given up on ever finding again.

Matthew West's new song, The Motions, are words I poured out to God directly from my heart, from the moment I first heard it.

This might hurt
It's not safe
But I know that I've got to make a change
I don't care if I break
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause "just okay" is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't want to go through the motions
I don't want to go one more day
Without your all-consuming passion inside of me
I don't want to spend my whole life asking
"What if I had given everything
Instead of going through the motions?"

It's not enough for men to think well of me. When people think well of us, we tend to become complacent, and we no longer pursue righteousness, because partial or even pseudo-righteousness is 'good enough' for the rest of society; praiseworthy, even. I can do all the good in the world, but unless I am motivated by and possessed with an all-consuming love of God, it means nothing.