Will It Be Enough?

I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy

(Legacy, by Nichole Nordeman)

August seemed a lot farther away in January. Now, in June, August is looming on the horizon. It is literally just around the corner. And in August, I'll be heading off to college at Mid-Atlantic Christian University (formerly Roanoke Bible College). I'll be majoring in Cross-Cultural Ministries and minoring in Counseling. I should be excited. I am. But every time I think about August, I think about all the days that have slipped away.

I could have gone away to school last year, and about this time last year, that's exactly what I wanted to do. God, however, frustrated my plans with a plan of His own.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

-Proverbs 19:21

God asked me to wait a year before I went away to college. However, he ordered that I be productive during the season of waiting. God's plan, of course, was much better than mine. I've learned some valuable life lessons this year--lessons I would not have learned otherwise. God has stressed to me that even the smallest things are of great importance, and He has taught me to do ordinary things extraordinarily well, in order to develop my character.

I know that the past year has served the Lord's purpose, but all I can see right now is that the year is over already. It's been like writing a timed essay--trying to get it all down on paper, making it understandable and legible, and now time's up, and I'm left scribbling in the last few letters and plunking a period at the end of it. Then all I can do is hope that what I've written is enough to get my point across. I'm praying that what I've done with this year will be enough.

God, I pray that what I've done in my family will be enough. This year I have worked really hard to build my relationship with my siblings. I won't be here to watch over Madison and Kalis and make sure they're on the right track. I'm going to have to trust that the life I've tried to live and the wisdom I've tried to impart will stay with them and influence their decisions.

God, I pray that what I've done in my church will be enough. It has always been a goal of mine to impact the people of my church, especially the young people. With the clock running down, though, I jumped on it this past year. I've tried to invest in people--encouraging, edifying, identifying their potential and drawing it out. I've tried to get them to think bigger, to remember that they are children of the King, made for so much more than mediocrity. I've tried to convince them that they were made to do great things for Christ. I've talked about it, written about it, and lived it to the best of my ability. But will it be enough?

Have I created a big enough splash in this pond that the ripples will outlast my presence? Will my brother continue to look at dating and marriage in a godly way when I'm no longer around to daily reinforce the lesson? Will the kids in my small group continue to "Do Hard Things" when my constant harping is coming from farther away? Will someone step into my shoes and continue pushing the ones I've tried to mentor, spurring them on to love and good deeds? I hope so. I want it to be so.

I know that I will do my best to serve God's purpose wherever He places me. However, I sometimes think that if I just had a little more time here, I could see the fruits of my work, and then it would be easier to move on. But part of being a leader is planting trees under whose shade we will never sit.

"By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as an expert builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should be careful how he builds. "

-1 Corinthians 3:10

So that is my challenge to you all. To my brother and sister. To my small group. To my friends. To my youth minister. To my church. I've run my leg of the race; I can't carry the baton any farther than this. God's called me to be somewhere else, doing something else for His glory. So I have to pass it. I pass it to you.