"One may not be able to triumph over evil, but one need not remain silent in the face of it." -Smith Hempstone
Photograph: Sculpture of Eros, in Muranow Square
Throughout the trip, the topic of dating kept popping up everywhere--conversations in hallways, in the streets and in the cafe. Everyone had their own opinion, and we even got Barnabas' take on it! It's funny, and hardly coincidental, that we should talk about such things in Poland. God always brings to light what we most need to learn.
February 26, 2009 6:30 p.m.
After our session, we went to the cafe again, where I got into a very intense discussion with Jared regarding his present spiritual state and his attitude towards dating. He is stuck in that place where he think he might like to be a 'better' Christian, but (as he puts it) he wants the world. He seemed to listen and take to heart what I had to say... now I can only hope that he does something with it!
While I was glad that he appreciated my insight and advice, I realized my hypocrisy with a sinking heart. How can I encourage him to pray when I do not do so myself? How can I encourage his purity and selflessness, when my own are questionable? I kept telling him to call a lie a lie, and to own his decisions, but how can that carry any weight, when I myself have been living in rebellion towards God?
It was very humbling to realize that, while I can still fake it well enough to 'talk the talk,' I haven't been 'walking the the walk.' God help me! God forgive me! I cannot wear this hypocritical face before the God who sees my heart and soul.
"There are laws written on our hearts--TRUTH, whether we want to accept it or not." -Dr. Phil Johnson
What was interesting about our discussion of this particular topic was hearing everyone's views and putting them in perspective. Now, while I overheard several conversations, I am going to focus mainly on the conversations that took place between Jared Mosley and myself. Jared and I stand in opposite corners--I don't believe in dating at all, while he loves the idea!
Jared told me that he is in love with the idea of being in love--a hopeless romantic, to quote the man himself. All the warm, fuzzy feelings attached to dating are a huge attraction to him. But that's because he has bought into a lie.
"First we must understand that all of the world's deceptions flow from the belief that love is primarily for the fulfillment and comfort of self." -Joshua Harris, from I Kissed Dating Goodbye
I understand the attraction--I really do. Knowing that someone feels that way about you gives you a sense of self-worth. Feeling that way about someone else is a heady thing. It's so easy to just go with the flow, and let our emotions run rampant. There is a problem with this line of thinking, however.
"But when we make our feelings the most important measure of love, we place ourselves at the center of importance... When we evaluate the quality of our love for someone else simply by our own emotional fulfillment, we are being selfish." -Joshua Harris, from I Kissed Dating Goodbye
In our discussion of dating's tendency toward selfish attitudes, we also touched on the topic of purity. Jared told me that he didn't see how a small amount of physical involvement could hurt anyone. I attempted to explain to him that purity is not a line in the sand; it's not about how close we can get to impurity before we are crossing the line. Purity is, instead, a direction. We raise our eyes to God's standard of perfection and resolve to pursue it.
"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."
-Ephesians 5:3, emphasis added
We also wrestled with the pros and cons of romantic involvement in our younger years. I think that dating in high school is like going shopping for a new outfit without any money. Even if you find the perfect fit, what can you do about it? Neither person is ready or able to marry, so why seek the romantic involvement in the first place? And aside from the physical aspects, what are you seeking from a boyfriend/girlfriend that you can't find in a friendship?
I also believe that singleness is a gift. As a single, I am completely free to do whatever God asks of me. I have no attachments, and no distractions. I can devote all of my thoughts and actions to serving God. I can form deep and lasting friendships with members of both sexes, without worrying about who likes who and who's the cutest. Seriously. Singleness is not a condition I need to do something about; it's an opportunity I ought to do something with.
Oftentimes, when I tell people that I don't believe in dating, the first question out of their mouths is, "So you don't think you'll ever get married?" And I just laugh. I trust God's plan and God's timing. He might have someone in mind for me to marry... someday. But I'm not going to waste my time wishing that day was today. He might just as well intend for me to be single forever. And what's wrong with that, I ask you?
"I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions."
-1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (The Message)
February 28, 2009 11:45 p.m.
Tonight, instead of occupying the entire second-floor hallway after our visit to the cafe, Barnabas let us all into his room to hang out. It was fun; we talked about dating. Barnabas said that he likes the idea of group-dating, and he told us about his own experiences with dating, sharing a few stories.
After that, though, the conversation took a turn... toward personality profiling. I knew a little bit about Barnabas' personality profiling course from listening to Pat and Patti, so when we started discussing what kind of dog each person was, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
There are four dogs: Pit Bull, Golden Retriever, Beagle, and Dalmatian. Each one has different characteristics, different ways of communicating, different ways of dealing with people, etc. I know what I am--a Dalmatian, with a bit of Pit Bull--but it was fun to try and guess what everyone else was.
Pit Bulls are the go-getters, the confident ones, who are comfortable in their own skin and have no problem making their ideas and opinions known. They are often the first to step up and take charge. Ryan Langham is a good example of a Pit Bull. Golden Retrievers are more laid back. They love harmony, and do their best to get along with everyone. They like teamwork. Christian Sadler is a pureblood Golden Retriever. Beagles are the excitable ones; they love people and attention, and try to create a fun atmosphere. They are quick to act... but they don't always think first. Jared is a Beagle. Dalmatians are your detail-oriented bunch. They love information, and they're not particularly spontaneous. They tend to have high expectations... but are often disappointed when those expectations are not met. Sarah Allen is a perfect Dalmatian.
It was really neat discussion; kind of a conference-within-a-conference. It made me really eager to go to Rome with Barnabas! There was one more interesting thing, however--no one was able to profile Barnabas. I wonder what kind of dog he is? He seems to have many characteristics of all four. Something to ponder, I guess.
The whole idea behind personality profiling is to identify how best to relate to a certain person. You can't deal with a Dalmatian the same way you might deal with a Beagle, for instance! I think that's part of the reason that no one was able to profile Barnabas. He has become so good at adapting to an individual's personality! He deals with each personality type in a way that will most benefit them. It's not about other people understanding you, after all. It's about understanding other people.
"I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some."
-1 Corinthians 9:22b
All of these discussions had to do with relationships, which are a fascinating topic no matter where you are, Poland or elsewhere. These international conferences are designed to give us the tools we need to become effective leaders. You aren't a leader if nobody is following you... and no one will follow you if you are concerned only with yourself.
One thing I have taken to heart, being a Dalmatian with my high expectations, is that people are worth more than the things that they do. Everyone has their annoying habits, their idiosyncrasies, and their pet peeves. However, we can't make these the focus of our relationships, only dealing with people who don't rub us the wrong way. We are called to love even our enemies--nay; especially our enemies--with the love of Christ.
"But when we make our feelings the most important measure of love, we place ourselves at the center of importance... When we evaluate the quality of our love for someone else simply by our own emotional fulfillment, we are being selfish." -Joshua Harris, from I Kissed Dating Goodbye
In our discussion of dating's tendency toward selfish attitudes, we also touched on the topic of purity. Jared told me that he didn't see how a small amount of physical involvement could hurt anyone. I attempted to explain to him that purity is not a line in the sand; it's not about how close we can get to impurity before we are crossing the line. Purity is, instead, a direction. We raise our eyes to God's standard of perfection and resolve to pursue it.
"But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."
-Ephesians 5:3, emphasis added
We also wrestled with the pros and cons of romantic involvement in our younger years. I think that dating in high school is like going shopping for a new outfit without any money. Even if you find the perfect fit, what can you do about it? Neither person is ready or able to marry, so why seek the romantic involvement in the first place? And aside from the physical aspects, what are you seeking from a boyfriend/girlfriend that you can't find in a friendship?
I also believe that singleness is a gift. As a single, I am completely free to do whatever God asks of me. I have no attachments, and no distractions. I can devote all of my thoughts and actions to serving God. I can form deep and lasting friendships with members of both sexes, without worrying about who likes who and who's the cutest. Seriously. Singleness is not a condition I need to do something about; it's an opportunity I ought to do something with.
Oftentimes, when I tell people that I don't believe in dating, the first question out of their mouths is, "So you don't think you'll ever get married?" And I just laugh. I trust God's plan and God's timing. He might have someone in mind for me to marry... someday. But I'm not going to waste my time wishing that day was today. He might just as well intend for me to be single forever. And what's wrong with that, I ask you?
"I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you're unmarried, you're free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I'm trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions."
-1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (The Message)
February 28, 2009 11:45 p.m.
Tonight, instead of occupying the entire second-floor hallway after our visit to the cafe, Barnabas let us all into his room to hang out. It was fun; we talked about dating. Barnabas said that he likes the idea of group-dating, and he told us about his own experiences with dating, sharing a few stories.
After that, though, the conversation took a turn... toward personality profiling. I knew a little bit about Barnabas' personality profiling course from listening to Pat and Patti, so when we started discussing what kind of dog each person was, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
There are four dogs: Pit Bull, Golden Retriever, Beagle, and Dalmatian. Each one has different characteristics, different ways of communicating, different ways of dealing with people, etc. I know what I am--a Dalmatian, with a bit of Pit Bull--but it was fun to try and guess what everyone else was.
Pit Bulls are the go-getters, the confident ones, who are comfortable in their own skin and have no problem making their ideas and opinions known. They are often the first to step up and take charge. Ryan Langham is a good example of a Pit Bull. Golden Retrievers are more laid back. They love harmony, and do their best to get along with everyone. They like teamwork. Christian Sadler is a pureblood Golden Retriever. Beagles are the excitable ones; they love people and attention, and try to create a fun atmosphere. They are quick to act... but they don't always think first. Jared is a Beagle. Dalmatians are your detail-oriented bunch. They love information, and they're not particularly spontaneous. They tend to have high expectations... but are often disappointed when those expectations are not met. Sarah Allen is a perfect Dalmatian.
It was really neat discussion; kind of a conference-within-a-conference. It made me really eager to go to Rome with Barnabas! There was one more interesting thing, however--no one was able to profile Barnabas. I wonder what kind of dog he is? He seems to have many characteristics of all four. Something to ponder, I guess.
The whole idea behind personality profiling is to identify how best to relate to a certain person. You can't deal with a Dalmatian the same way you might deal with a Beagle, for instance! I think that's part of the reason that no one was able to profile Barnabas. He has become so good at adapting to an individual's personality! He deals with each personality type in a way that will most benefit them. It's not about other people understanding you, after all. It's about understanding other people.
"I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some."
-1 Corinthians 9:22b
All of these discussions had to do with relationships, which are a fascinating topic no matter where you are, Poland or elsewhere. These international conferences are designed to give us the tools we need to become effective leaders. You aren't a leader if nobody is following you... and no one will follow you if you are concerned only with yourself.
One thing I have taken to heart, being a Dalmatian with my high expectations, is that people are worth more than the things that they do. Everyone has their annoying habits, their idiosyncrasies, and their pet peeves. However, we can't make these the focus of our relationships, only dealing with people who don't rub us the wrong way. We are called to love even our enemies--nay; especially our enemies--with the love of Christ.
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