"One may not be able to triumph over evil, but one need not remain silent in the face of it." -Smith Hempstone
Photograph: Gate to Battlements of Krakow's City Wall
The last day of trips like these is always hard; you want the week to go on forever. You've formed new relationships, strengthened old ones, and learned so much about yourself, your friends, and the world around you. You want to stay in that environment; it's only natural. It's our responsibility to go back home, back to our everyday lives... but we never go back the same as when we left.
March 01, 2009 5:30 p.m.
This morning we went to church in Krakow with Magda, a young woman Barnabas met the day before we arrived. What a fantastic experience! We took the tram to get there; church was held on the second floor of an office building. The name of the church was Chrystus Krolem* (Christ the King); the service was done in two languages, Polish and English. Songs were sung in both languages, and the sermon was preached in Polish, with an English translator.
It was really wonderful to see how my brothers and sisters on this side of the world worship and fellowship. I immensely enjoyed my first experience in an international church... and I look forward to more opportunities like this one!
When the service was over, I had the chance to speak with a young woman who translated the announcements. She is originally from California, though she has also lived in Colorado, and is enjoying her missionary service in Poland. That was a fun conversation, albeit a brief one. Exciting!
After church, Joanna, Jaron, Jared, Christian Sadler, Tyler Leach and I went out to sample some Polish fare--borsch and pierogi--which was delicious. Borsch is very good, and does not taste the way you might expect. My raspberry pierogi were oh-so-good... even thinking about them makes my mouth water. Then we hit the streets again, walking and talking, picking up a few more souvenirs and enjoying the precious time in each other's company.
We returned to the hotel after a last round of Muranow Square, and we sat down for our last training session, where Barnabas said something I will never forget:
"God's plan is unfolding; history is not static; we have no guarantee of time. In light of this, we should live lives of purpose." -Dr. Phil Johnson
We drew some connections, in that session, between Nazism and Radical Islam. We live in interesting times. I'm sure there have been other times in history when the 'end of the world' seemed near, but right now the whole world seems to be on the brink. Are we living in the latter days? Could such things come to pass in my lifetime? It's interesting to think about.**
I've been a slacker, despite all my reading and research. I have not given careful thought to my ways, or shared what thoughts have crossed my mind. I need to love God with all my mental faculties--all my mind.
This is something I've been very convicted of, lately. I know that I have a gift for writing, and I love to read and research, and journal about my findings. The trouble is that I don't share these things with other people; I hate to speak in front of a group, and I often have trouble sharing even with those who are close to me. I am always afraid that I won't express myself clearly, that I will not have enough information if someone questions me, or that someone will find an arguable point in what I have to say.
But all of those things are lies, directly from the mouth of Satan. He does not want me to write, or speak, or in any way share what I have learned with other people. He fears what may happen if I do. I have to remember that they are lies, reject them, and live by the Truth. I cannot be shackled by the fear of what others may think or say; I have no control over that. I do have control, however, over what I think and what I say.
That's part of the reason I started this blog. It's one small step outside my comfort zone... and who know where that might lead? The entire time I was in Poland, I could not wait to get my hands on a computer, so I could blog about all I was experiencing. There are things that people ought not to forget, and things they need to know, and I can tell them, because I've been there.
And with these desires and this gift comes another responsibility: to take full advantage of them. In the Parable of the Talents***, the servant who did nothing with what he was given was punished, and even what he had was taken from him; the servants who worked and multiplied what they'd been given were rewarded with even more.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as your reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
-Colossians 3:23-24
I need to take my desire to learn and use it to learn as much as I can; then I need to turn and teach it to others. I need to learn with all my heart, write with all my heart, teach with all my heart. That's what I am called to do right now.
March 04, 2009 4:00 a.m.
I'm home. I write that with a sigh. After I wrote my last journal entry in Poland, everyone clattered down the stairs for our last supper together. Barnabas asked me to pray over the meal, which I did, but I could not seem to find adequate words. In the end, I asked God to make each one of us into the people he created us to be.
When supper was over, I headed for the cafe with Joanna, Jaron, Jared and Christian Sadler, walking arm and arm through the streets of Krakow. We stopped to enjoy the crescent moon--it really was beautiful. When we arrived, we enjoyed our ice cream and the incomparable hot chocolate, but mostly we enjoyed each other's company.
Derek Patrick was entertaining everyone by popping the buttons on Chris Barrans' shirt, which Chris had lent him for church, and ended up letting him keep. I smile and shake my head. We took lots of pictures, and when we went back to the hotel for the evening, we had a forty-five-minute hugging session in the hallway before going to bed. Joanna, Chris and I all agreed to get up at four in the morning to say goodbye to our friends from Florida, who had to catch a very early flight to Munich, Germany.
Jaron had bought Joanna a yellow rose in Muranow Square, and she said her goodbye to Poland very poetically by sprinkling some of the petals out of the hotel window around midnight... confusing the poor man who was sitting in his car across the street.
I'll never forget Ryan Langham's very dramatic goodbye to Joanna--upon realizing he'd forgotten to hug her goodbye, he came tearing off the bus and back into the lobby, picking her up and swinging her around, just like something from a movie. I wish I'd had my camera.
We dropped back into bed for another hour or so of sleep, getting up around seven to have breakfast. Then we all piled into the van with Peter, the van driver, whom Patti called "cute." We arrived at the airport, checked our bags... and then it was time to say goodbye to Barnabas.
I hate walking away from Barnabas, or watching him walk away. But I am always struck by how ordinary he looks--jeans and sneakers and a black coat, hands in his pockets, small smile on his face--when he has taught me such extraordinary things. When he hugged me goodbye, he told me that he was proud of me, and as he let go, Patti said, "This one is our great hope; she gets it."
Such words always make me feel strange. What have I done, that these people place their hope in me? Why do they have such great expectations of me? Would they still, if they knew my private struggles and my hypocrisy? I do not feel worthy of that expectation, or that hope. I felt a great weight of responsibility descend on me as those words were spoken. I hope to be able to meet and exceed those expectations... and to give them a reason for their confidence. These things were heavy on my heart as we headed home.
I wonder how many people have ever felt worthy of their calling? I know my every fault and weakness, things that others may never see. It makes me wonder if I really have what it takes to do what I have been called to do. I know that God never gives me a task without giving me the ability to complete it; I do not doubt my ability, only my will. Will I be strong enough to choose the will of God, always, for the rest of my life? I pray for that strength.
My first day back was totally uneventful, and somewhat disappointing. I went to the grocery store, watched television, and told my family stories of Poland during the commercials; Mom played Guild Wars all day. I could not bring myself to speak of Auschwitz in that setting. Auschwitz demands your full attention. I was so frustrated with my family. Were they really so much more interested in the television show that they could only listen during the commercials? Was an online game really more important?
I have changed so much, and no one is aware.
"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back?" -Frodo, from The Return of the King
This is my conclusion: My life is permanently changed. I cannot go back to the way things were; after what I have seen, it is not possible. Somehow, whether others understand it or not, whether they accept it or not, whether they like it or not, I must now live differently. It is frightening, but there is no other option. I must say goodbye to the way I used to be.
"Truth changes people." -Dr. Phil Johnson
*Chrystus Krolem http://www.chk.org.pl/english/indexen.html#
**A Barnabas Article http://www.globalnext.org/files/Article%201-Temples,%20Arks%20and%20Heifers.pdf
***Matthew 25:14-30
March 01, 2009 5:30 p.m.
This morning we went to church in Krakow with Magda, a young woman Barnabas met the day before we arrived. What a fantastic experience! We took the tram to get there; church was held on the second floor of an office building. The name of the church was Chrystus Krolem* (Christ the King); the service was done in two languages, Polish and English. Songs were sung in both languages, and the sermon was preached in Polish, with an English translator.
It was really wonderful to see how my brothers and sisters on this side of the world worship and fellowship. I immensely enjoyed my first experience in an international church... and I look forward to more opportunities like this one!
When the service was over, I had the chance to speak with a young woman who translated the announcements. She is originally from California, though she has also lived in Colorado, and is enjoying her missionary service in Poland. That was a fun conversation, albeit a brief one. Exciting!
After church, Joanna, Jaron, Jared, Christian Sadler, Tyler Leach and I went out to sample some Polish fare--borsch and pierogi--which was delicious. Borsch is very good, and does not taste the way you might expect. My raspberry pierogi were oh-so-good... even thinking about them makes my mouth water. Then we hit the streets again, walking and talking, picking up a few more souvenirs and enjoying the precious time in each other's company.
We returned to the hotel after a last round of Muranow Square, and we sat down for our last training session, where Barnabas said something I will never forget:
"God's plan is unfolding; history is not static; we have no guarantee of time. In light of this, we should live lives of purpose." -Dr. Phil Johnson
We drew some connections, in that session, between Nazism and Radical Islam. We live in interesting times. I'm sure there have been other times in history when the 'end of the world' seemed near, but right now the whole world seems to be on the brink. Are we living in the latter days? Could such things come to pass in my lifetime? It's interesting to think about.**
I've been a slacker, despite all my reading and research. I have not given careful thought to my ways, or shared what thoughts have crossed my mind. I need to love God with all my mental faculties--all my mind.
This is something I've been very convicted of, lately. I know that I have a gift for writing, and I love to read and research, and journal about my findings. The trouble is that I don't share these things with other people; I hate to speak in front of a group, and I often have trouble sharing even with those who are close to me. I am always afraid that I won't express myself clearly, that I will not have enough information if someone questions me, or that someone will find an arguable point in what I have to say.
But all of those things are lies, directly from the mouth of Satan. He does not want me to write, or speak, or in any way share what I have learned with other people. He fears what may happen if I do. I have to remember that they are lies, reject them, and live by the Truth. I cannot be shackled by the fear of what others may think or say; I have no control over that. I do have control, however, over what I think and what I say.
That's part of the reason I started this blog. It's one small step outside my comfort zone... and who know where that might lead? The entire time I was in Poland, I could not wait to get my hands on a computer, so I could blog about all I was experiencing. There are things that people ought not to forget, and things they need to know, and I can tell them, because I've been there.
And with these desires and this gift comes another responsibility: to take full advantage of them. In the Parable of the Talents***, the servant who did nothing with what he was given was punished, and even what he had was taken from him; the servants who worked and multiplied what they'd been given were rewarded with even more.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as your reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."
-Colossians 3:23-24
I need to take my desire to learn and use it to learn as much as I can; then I need to turn and teach it to others. I need to learn with all my heart, write with all my heart, teach with all my heart. That's what I am called to do right now.
March 04, 2009 4:00 a.m.
I'm home. I write that with a sigh. After I wrote my last journal entry in Poland, everyone clattered down the stairs for our last supper together. Barnabas asked me to pray over the meal, which I did, but I could not seem to find adequate words. In the end, I asked God to make each one of us into the people he created us to be.
When supper was over, I headed for the cafe with Joanna, Jaron, Jared and Christian Sadler, walking arm and arm through the streets of Krakow. We stopped to enjoy the crescent moon--it really was beautiful. When we arrived, we enjoyed our ice cream and the incomparable hot chocolate, but mostly we enjoyed each other's company.
Derek Patrick was entertaining everyone by popping the buttons on Chris Barrans' shirt, which Chris had lent him for church, and ended up letting him keep. I smile and shake my head. We took lots of pictures, and when we went back to the hotel for the evening, we had a forty-five-minute hugging session in the hallway before going to bed. Joanna, Chris and I all agreed to get up at four in the morning to say goodbye to our friends from Florida, who had to catch a very early flight to Munich, Germany.
Jaron had bought Joanna a yellow rose in Muranow Square, and she said her goodbye to Poland very poetically by sprinkling some of the petals out of the hotel window around midnight... confusing the poor man who was sitting in his car across the street.
I'll never forget Ryan Langham's very dramatic goodbye to Joanna--upon realizing he'd forgotten to hug her goodbye, he came tearing off the bus and back into the lobby, picking her up and swinging her around, just like something from a movie. I wish I'd had my camera.
We dropped back into bed for another hour or so of sleep, getting up around seven to have breakfast. Then we all piled into the van with Peter, the van driver, whom Patti called "cute." We arrived at the airport, checked our bags... and then it was time to say goodbye to Barnabas.
I hate walking away from Barnabas, or watching him walk away. But I am always struck by how ordinary he looks--jeans and sneakers and a black coat, hands in his pockets, small smile on his face--when he has taught me such extraordinary things. When he hugged me goodbye, he told me that he was proud of me, and as he let go, Patti said, "This one is our great hope; she gets it."
Such words always make me feel strange. What have I done, that these people place their hope in me? Why do they have such great expectations of me? Would they still, if they knew my private struggles and my hypocrisy? I do not feel worthy of that expectation, or that hope. I felt a great weight of responsibility descend on me as those words were spoken. I hope to be able to meet and exceed those expectations... and to give them a reason for their confidence. These things were heavy on my heart as we headed home.
I wonder how many people have ever felt worthy of their calling? I know my every fault and weakness, things that others may never see. It makes me wonder if I really have what it takes to do what I have been called to do. I know that God never gives me a task without giving me the ability to complete it; I do not doubt my ability, only my will. Will I be strong enough to choose the will of God, always, for the rest of my life? I pray for that strength.
My first day back was totally uneventful, and somewhat disappointing. I went to the grocery store, watched television, and told my family stories of Poland during the commercials; Mom played Guild Wars all day. I could not bring myself to speak of Auschwitz in that setting. Auschwitz demands your full attention. I was so frustrated with my family. Were they really so much more interested in the television show that they could only listen during the commercials? Was an online game really more important?
I have changed so much, and no one is aware.
"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back?" -Frodo, from The Return of the King
This is my conclusion: My life is permanently changed. I cannot go back to the way things were; after what I have seen, it is not possible. Somehow, whether others understand it or not, whether they accept it or not, whether they like it or not, I must now live differently. It is frightening, but there is no other option. I must say goodbye to the way I used to be.
"Truth changes people." -Dr. Phil Johnson
*Chrystus Krolem http://www.chk.org.pl/english/indexen.html#
**A Barnabas Article http://www.globalnext.org/files/Article%201-Temples,%20Arks%20and%20Heifers.pdf
***Matthew 25:14-30
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