On the Road to Beautiful

Life ain't always beautiful

Sometimes it's just plain hard

Life can knock you down

It can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful

You think you're on your way

But it's just a dead end road

At the end of the day

But the struggles make you stronger

And the changes make you wise

And happiness has it's own way

Of taking it's sweet time

No, life ain't always beautiful

Tears will fall sometimes

Life ain't always beautiful

But it's a beautiful ride

Life ain't always beautiful

Some days I miss your smile

I get tired of walking

All these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute

I could see your pretty face

Guess I can dream

But life don't work that way

But the struggles make me stronger

And the changes make me wise

And happiness has it's own way

Of taking it's sweet time

No, life ain't always beautiful

But I know I'll be fine

Hey life ain't always beautiful

But it's a beautiful ride

What a beautiful ride

("Life Ain't Always Beautiful," by Gary Allan)

I crumble at Your kiss and grace

I'm a weakling in the dust

Teach me how to cling to You

With all my life and all my love

Father, come to me, hold me up

'Cause I can barely stand

My strength is gone and my breath is short

I can't reach out my hand

But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven's own bright King

So in faltering and victory, I will always sing

And on the road to beautiful

My seasons always change

But my life is spent on loving You

To know You in Your power and pain

You're my portion in this life

You're my strength now in my fight

And to You I pledge my heart

In the pain and in the dark

I'll love You

I'll love You

("On the Road to Beautiful," by Charlie Hall)

At the beginning of the summer, my fiance and I entered a season of silence, during which time we had no contact with one another, choosing instead to focus on our individual relationships with our Father God, earnestly seeking His will and asking Him to search us and know our hearts, test us and know our anxious thoughts, see if there was any offensive way in us, and lead us in the way everlasting.  (Psalm 139:23-24, NIV)  This time of silence and separation proved fruitful; God grew us both in faith and confirmed our callings to serve on the mission field.  This time apart and alone with God exposed faults, fears, and failings within each of us.  God asked difficult things of both of us this summer, and did great works in and through our lives. 

When our season of silence ended, we enjoyed sharing our experiences and praising God together for the lessons learned over the summer.  There was cause for much rejoicing!  However, there was also cause to mourn; much prayer went into our decision to break our engagement and return to our single lives.  Decisions like this one are not easy, but they are good; they are painful, but they are necessary; they are difficult, but they are faithful.  We have chosen to obey God by continuing to serve one another as a brother and sister in Christ and as fast friends in true fellowship, spurring each other on to love and good deeds.

I have shed many tears in the week since making this decision; though I trust in the plans God has for me and know in my heart that His way is best, I am not immune to heartache.

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."

-C. S. Lewis

I do not regret this decision, nor do I resent God for asking us to make it.  Even in my times of deep sorrow, I have hope and peace; I have the assurance of God's faithfulness and the promise that He will never leave nor forsake me.  Nothing can snatch me out of His hand.  I also have within my heart the burning passion of my call to take the gospel to the Jewish people; God is sharpening my focus and urging me to be purposeful.  Yesterday, during a tearful time of prayer and study, God lifted up my head and filled me with courage using the words of the Apostle Paul:

"This what I do:  I don't look back, I lengthen my stride, and I run straight toward the goal to win the prize that God's heavenly call offers in Christ Jesus."

-Philippians 3:13-14, NLT

"I don't place any value on my own life.  I want to finish the race I'm running.  I want to carry out the mission I received from the Lord Jesus--the mission of testifying to the Good News of God's kindness."

-Acts 20:24, GWT

The night my fiance and I made the decision to break our engagement, he told me that I have beautiful feet, and that I should run and not look back; that is exactly what I intend to do.  Though there will certainly be days spent walking in the valleys, I know that I will never walk alone.

"The feeling remains that God is on the journey too."

-St. Teresa of Avila