Every Time I Breathe

I am sure all of heaven's heard me cry
As I tell You all the reasons why 
This life is just too hard
By day by day, without fail 
I'm finding everything I need
And everything that You are to me


Every time I breathe You seem a little bit closer
I never want to leave 
I want to stay in Your warm embrace
Basking in the glory shining from Your face 
And every time I get another glimpse of Your heart
I realize it's true
That You are so marvelous, God
And I am so in love with You


Now how could I, after knowing One so great
Respond to You in any way
That's less than all I have to give?
But by Your grace I want to love You
Not with what I say, but every day
In the way my life is lived


Wrapped in Your mercy I want to live
And never leave
I am held by how humble
And overwhelmed by Your majesty
Captured by grace now I'm finding
I am free
You are marvelous, God
And knowing You is everything


("Every Time I Breathe," by Big Daddy Weave)




Writer's block is frustrating.  So many thoughts, but no words.  I sat down to my computer so many times, intending to write an end-of-year post, but I was at a loss as to how I could even begin to put the past year down in writing.  There have been towering mountains and plunging valleys along my spiritual journey this year; great joy, and great pain.  Even thinking about it is sobering.

New Year's Eve has long been my favorite holiday; the old is passing away, and the new is coming.  Last night's bonfire was the perfect way to celebrate.  The smell of woodsmoke, and the sight of sparks flying upward into the clear, starry sky above was breathtakingly beautiful, and brought relief and rest to my spirit.  Nearer to midnight, I was playing praise and worship songs on my guitar when I came across "Every Time I Breathe" in my songbook.  Perfect.

As I played and sang--and the New Year rang in--I realized what all of the events of the past year have in common.  So many times throughout 2010 I would pray, "Lord, draw me closer to you."  And He has been faithful to answer that prayer.  Through the calm and through the storm, He has never let me go, and is ever and always drawing me closer to Him.

The more I seek You
The more I find You


The more I find You
The more I love You


I want to sit at Your feet
Drink from the cup in Your hand
Lay back against You and breathe
Feel Your heart beat
This love is so deep
It's more than I can stand
I melt in Your peace
It's overwhelming


("The More I Seek You," by Kari Jobe)


"You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart."  (Jeremiah 29:13, ESV)


God never answers prayer the way I expect Him to; I suppose I ought to learn to expect the unexpected.  But He is always faithful to answer, and He never fails to seek the best for His beloved.  I have spent the past year learning to trust Him on an entirely different level; I have been to a desperate place of prayer, knowing that nothing and no one could save me apart from my God.  I have prayed, "Increase my faith!"  I have prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.  Yet not as I will, but as You will."  I have prayed, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."  I have sat in silence and waited in acute anticipation of an answer... meanwhile the answer was being worked out in my heart as I waited.

He is faithful even when I am faithless; He has grown me up in faith, in the past year.  But I find this paradox at work--whenever I grow, I find that there is more of God to know.  Every year I grow, I find Him bigger.  Therefore, my prayer for the New Year is this, that I  might trust in the Lord with all my heart, and not lean on my own understanding, and to acknowledge Him in all my ways... and give Him glory.