For the Love of God: Part 2

(Below is an excerpt from my prayer journal. The entry is dated January 27, 2009.)

Ah! Father God, already pride is showing its ugly face! The idea was placed in my head that, should I succeed in living a life of love, I would become a joy to be around, a great encouragement and comfort to others, and perhaps even be remembered throughout history (as someone like Brother Lawrence). SIDE-EFFECTS! THESE ARE SIDE-EFFECTS ONLY! Father God, help me! Banish such thoughts and forbid them entrance to my mind. Let the word 'LOVE' toll like the bells of Notre Dame every time such tempting thoughts come my way!

All that I do must be done for your sake, and yours alone, because I love you and for no other reason. I must do these things in the sight of men, yes, but not so that they may see me and admire my piety. No:

"In the same way let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven"

-Matthew 5:16

You commanded that I shine my light before men; to love you is to obey your commands.

"If you love me, you will obey what I command."

-John 14:16

"This is love for God: to obey His commands. And his commands are not burdensome."

-1 John 5:3

Nothing else matters, save love. This is a hard thing, perhaps the hardest I have ever undertaken, but I must not strive to obey you for difficulty's sake, or to exalt myself in my own eyes, but only because I love you. I must forget myself, while remaining myself always.

I have to walk the razor's edge between every motivation of the world and the pure motivation of love for God. Nothing else must drive me onward. Father, my thoughts are confused; I know I am repeating the same thing over again in a dozen different ways. Let even the ordering of my thoughts be done out of love for you, for when my mind is clear, our communion is sweet.

"The most excellent method of going to God is that of doing our common business without any view of pleasing men, and (as far as we are able) purely for the love of God." -Brother Lawrence