Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Spaghetti and Gumdrops

So, I've been at MACU nearly two full weeks now, and while I've written about many of my experiences, I have not shared any of them with you! It requires a bit of time-traveling in order to share everything I've learned so far, but I will do my best.

A little over a week ago, I sat in my very first Hall Devo. I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what came next! When I arrived, I was told that we would be playing a game. We were divided up into groups of three or four and given a handful of uncooked spaghetti, some gummy lifesavers, and a little pile of gumdrops. Without words, grunts, or gestures, we were supposed to work together as a team to build some kind of freestanding structure out of these items.

It was an interesting game; when we started out, every member of my team started building on their own. The ideas were very different! I was making triangles out of spaghetti and gumdrops and putting them together to build a pyramid. I knew that a triangle would make the structure strongest, so I focused on building a wide base.

Meanwhile, the other two girls' structures kept falling over. Eventually, they caught on to what I was doing and began adding their own creative design to my simple but sturdy structure. In the end, it looked something like a circus tent from Candy Land. It seemed to be a completely random game, but of course there was a point to all the silliness.

The topic of our devo was communication, and through that somewhat ridiculous activity I learned something about my leadership/communication style. I am an Establisher--that is, I like to get down to people's hearts and build strong lives from there. I don't frequently get up in people's faces (unless they are really persistent in doing what is wrong); instead, I quietly try to direct them by setting a good example or pointing out other good examples.

This is a classic demonstration of the way we are all called to be leaders. Not everyone is called to preach or teach or be a missionary, this is true. But we are all called to be witnesses and representatives of Christ in the way we live our lives:

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

-Matthew 5:16

Sometimes people are not open to the things we have to say until they've seen them in action. Someone can tell you how you ought to do something a million times, but until you've actually been shown how to do it, it is nearly impossible to conceive of it. And it's hard to believe in someone's words when their actions are clearly in opposition to what they've been saying. We have to be careful of what we say, yes, but we have to be even more careful of the things we communicate without saying a word.

"Therefore I urge you to imitate me."

-1 Corinthians 4:16

Paul made that statement boldly. He was confident in his relationship with you, and so he could say without reservations that anyone who wanted to know how to follow Christ ought to look to him as an example. I want to be able to make this statement of Paul's; I want to become a leader that people can trust and look to as an example. I want to be confident in my relationship with God, so that I can confidently lead others into a right relationship with God.

...And I learned all of this from spaghetti and gumdrops...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Stargazing with Abraham

All right... I know it's been awhile since I posted anything from my personal experience, but apparently college really does keep you busy! I've just completed my first week of college at Mid-Atlantic Christian University in Elizabeth City, NC. I am a Cross-Cultural Ministries major and I am taking eighteen credit hours this semester... so I am quite busy! I am thoroughly enjoying all my classes, and now that I've had some time to get organized, I should have more time and opportunity to keep up with my blog and let you all know what I am learning, thinking, and doing.

So now I'm going to time travel back to Thursday, August 14th, when I first arrived here at school. My mother and sister and I packed up the Kia and headed for Elizabeth City; we hit terrible traffic in Chesapeake, VA and arrived an hour late for orientation, but that was no big deal; we still arrived in time to enjoy the banquet and get me all unpacked and settled in.

I had Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday to begin to absorb the fact that I was now living away from home, and not just away from home, but away from anything and everything familiar. This is the city instead of the country; it's rainy instead of dry; it's flat instead of hilly--in other words, I was completely removed from my natural environment. However, as I have learned on my numerous trips with Joshua Expeditions and Global Next, being removed from your comfort zone can bring out the best in you. It certainly has in me.

On the Wednesday night before I left for school, I walked outside onto my front porch in Stokesdale with a suitcase to load into the car. As soon as I had shut the door behind me, I stopped dead, in awe of the sight that greeted me. The sky seemed so close; it was crystal clear and deepest blue. Every star stood out like a diamond nestled in blue velvet; I could even see the Milky Way. God compelled me to sit down; it was definitely a 'be still and know that I am God' moment. I could not help but remember another man that God asked to look at the stars...

"Then [God] brought [Abram] outside and said, 'Look now toward heaven, and count the stars if you are able to number them.' And He said to him, 'So shall your descendants be.'"

-Genesis 15:5

God brought me out of my comfort zone, just as He brought Abram out of his tent, in order to show him his destiny in the stars. By asking Abram to count the stars, God reminded him of His precious promises and His perfect timing. God did the same for me, the night of August 13th. As I sat there in wonder looking up at the stars (there was also a meteor shower that night), I remembered all the things that God has done for me, and how He has paved the way for me to be here at MACU, and all my worries melted away. If God has brought me safe thus far, certainly He will carry this good work on to completion.

I'm looking forward to expanding my horizons, learning as much as I can, and forming new relationships. Bible college is like a breath of fresh air; chapel two days a week, discipleship group, prayer before classes, and being surrounded by people who are here with the same goal in mind--serving God, in one form or another--has been amazing. It's as though I have stepped into another world.

I know there will be difficulties and challenges, and that I might not be so excited a couple of weeks from now when the drama ensues and the homework starts piling up, but God is faithful. He has great things in store for me.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

-Jeremiah 29:11

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I Come

(Below is a song, entitled I Come, that I wrote in 2008, during a particularly apathetic period in my walk with God.)

(verse 1)

I come to the altar and I kneel
Trying to awaken a love I can feel
But my heart is dead
And my soul is numb
I am deaf and blind and dumb
I feel like I'm made of stone
As I sit here all alone


(chorus)

So I bow here and pray aloud
Help me overcome my doubt
I could never live without you
Heaven seems silent, still and cold
But I will cling to what I've been told
You will never forsake me
O Lord, my God


(verse 2)

I come to the garden and I fall
Trying to surrender it all
The guilt and the shame
The pain and the tears
All my dark, unspoken fears
I see neither hope nor light
As I lie here in the night


(chorus)

So I bow here and pray aloud
Help me overcome my doubt
I could never live without you
Heaven seems silent, still and cold
But I will cling to what I've been told
You will never forsake me
O Lord, my God


(verse 3)

I come to the mountain and I stand
Reaching out to take your hand
Will you come here
And be with me?
Descend in all your majesty
And show this trembling mortal man
The face of God
The Great I AM


(chorus)

So I bow here and pray aloud
How, Lord, could I ever doubt?
I never have to live without you
I'm standing here on holy ground
Your glory shining all around
I feel your presence here in me
O Lord, my God

Waters Gone By

(Below is a song I wrote in 2006, entitled Waters Gone By.)

(verse 1)

I was weary
So tired of this life
I saw no reason to go on
Everything I had
Had been stripped away
And I was left with nothing less
Than I'd had before--nothing
Nothing

(verse 2)

My demons, they pursued me
Held me captive in my mind
Bound me up in chains
Kept me behind bars
I thought I was alone
For I had shut you out--long ago
Long ago

(chorus)

But now you have set me free
You've broke away my chains
You've cut through iron bars
You've loosed me from my prison
My troubles I've forgotten
My misery has died
And I recall them only
As waters gone by

(verse 3)

You have rescued me
From the land of the dead
You have raised me up
Pulled me from the grave
So that I live again
I have a second chance
And I owe it all to you
You've made me what I am--today
Today


(bridge)

As the river runs
As the oceans roar
So has my pain been taken
So has my shame been taken
And washed away
And replaced with grace

(chorus)

Because you have set me free
You've broke away my chains
You've cut through iron bars
You've loosed me from my prison
My troubles I've forgotten
My misery has died
And I recall them only
As waters gone by

Dream

(Below is a song I wrote in 2007, entitled Dream.)

(verse 1)

Your whole life
The world has been conspiring

To say, "You can do anything!"

And then to tear you down

You're amazing
So they want to see you fall

To prove you're not so special after all

After all

Don't listen

You were made to great things

By the God who made the sky
So spread your wings and fly


(chorus)

Dream big
What's the point of dreaming small?

Dreams were meant to reach the stars

And, like the stars, to fall

Don't give up hope

Dreams were meant for coming true

This is my prayer for you

As you fall asleep

That you will dream


(verse 2)

Why do we believe
The lies that Satan tells?
"You don't quite measure up."

"You're never good enough."

We cry out, "God, I am not worthy!"
And he quietly whispers in reply,

"My child,
I chose you
And I died to make you worthy;

You are my heart's delight--

My anointing's on your life."


(chorus)

Dream big
What's the point of dreaming small?

Dreams were meant to reach the stars

And, like the stars, to fall

Don't give up hope

Dreams were meant for coming true

This is my prayer for you

As you fall asleep

That you will dream

Confession

(Below is a poem, entitled Confession, that I wrote in 2005, the year I became a Christian.)

I'm baring my soul because no one can see;
No one would ever guess this is me...


I put on a smile and pretend I'm all that,
That as far as life goes, I've got it down pat

I'm in love with this image I've worn for so long,
Everyday saying that nothing is wrong

But inside I'm waging a war all my own
I feel frustrated, depressed, and alone

It's certainly not that there's no one to care,
They just can't see past the mask that I wear

On the outside I'm smart, mature and well-meaning;
On the inside I'm angry, unsure, and I'm screaming

No one would guess at what runs through my head--
If I cannot be perfect, I'd rather be dead

No one would guess how I hate what I see
When my reflection is staring back at me

I'd invite temptation and then cry when I fell,
But there's no one I'd trust-- no one I'd tell

I'm too busy pretending that I am the best,
That I know it all and can counsel the rest

People ask my advice and are bettered
While I am still standing shackled and fettered

But the worst of it is that I cannot explain
All this frustration and all of this pain

So I simply keep silent; it's easier this way--
Who would I tell what I don't know how to say?


I'm baring my soul because no one can see;
No one would ever guess this is me...