So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Is creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here awhile
And didn't You see me crying?
And didn't You see me crying?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
And wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
Wish You'd remember where You sat it down
And this is all
And this is all
This is all that I can say right now
This is all that I can give
I know it's not much
This is all that I can say right now
This is all that I can give
That's my everything
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that that was You holding me
I didn't notice You were crying too
I didn't know that that was You washing my feet
("All I Can Say," by David Crowder Band)
Sometimes I just get tired. It's hard to explain what I mean by that statement. I just get thoroughly worn out--physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Every so often (and more frequently of late), I find myself in tired, frustrated, lonely tears. I pray; I read my Bible. I find comfort there. But sometimes it's just not enough. Sometimes when I pray, words just won't come, and I end up crying again and saying, "God, please..." because I don't know what to ask for. And sometimes when I read my Bible, I struggle to understand (or I do understand, but I struggle to accept the teaching).
How nice it would be if my days turned to sunshine simply because I remembered my morning devotions and took the time to pray!
In times like these, I usually want one of two things (or sometimes both): A really big hug and some strong encouragement, or some serious solitude, where my soul can be refreshed. I took a walk the other night and talked with God, wrestling with Him as I struggled to master my heart. It is usually easy for me to wrap my mind around the things God asks of me; my heart is another matter. I tried explaining to a friend once: "Most of the time I'm all right, but sometimes I just feel like telling God, 'That's just too hard!'"
When I was a young Christian, just starting out in my walk with God, I used to pray that God would give me a hard task, one that no one else could do. And He has done so; I have been consecrated for this single, holy purpose. I prayed for a hard task; should I be surprised, or angry with God, for answering that prayer? I am so very grateful for the impetuous, faith-filled prayers that marked the beginning of my walk with God; I will not lie--I think twice now before I pray for something, counting the cost. Because God does indeed answer prayers; He just doesn't always answer in the way I would like, and He never answers in the way I would expect! Answered prayers can be painful, at times.
Some people might dismiss these times of spiritual weariness as depression; but it's not that simple. When Satan has worn away at me like water dripping on a rock, no amount of cheering up is going to soothe the soreness of my soul. It takes prayer--my prayers, the intercession of my friends, and the intercession of the Holy Spirit. At all times, I am engaged in spiritual warfare; but sometimes I just need to drop my sword and cry for awhile. It's not a sin to be sad, nor are tears and pain an indication of faithlessness. Just take a look at the the story of Job or the psalms of David. Having been weary with sorrow to the point of death Himself, I know that my Lord knows my pain and aches with me. When I run into my Father's arms, He catches me and holds me close; He lets me cry myself to sleep in His arms. When I wake, He bolsters my strength and reminds me of His, as He did for Elijah in the desert. Only then can I take up my sword again to do battle.
"[The LORD] gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might, He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young man shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
-Isaiah 40:29-31, NKJV
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that that was You holding me
I didn't notice You were crying too
I didn't know that that was You washing my feet
("All I Can Say," by David Crowder Band)
Sometimes I just get tired. It's hard to explain what I mean by that statement. I just get thoroughly worn out--physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Every so often (and more frequently of late), I find myself in tired, frustrated, lonely tears. I pray; I read my Bible. I find comfort there. But sometimes it's just not enough. Sometimes when I pray, words just won't come, and I end up crying again and saying, "God, please..." because I don't know what to ask for. And sometimes when I read my Bible, I struggle to understand (or I do understand, but I struggle to accept the teaching).
How nice it would be if my days turned to sunshine simply because I remembered my morning devotions and took the time to pray!
In times like these, I usually want one of two things (or sometimes both): A really big hug and some strong encouragement, or some serious solitude, where my soul can be refreshed. I took a walk the other night and talked with God, wrestling with Him as I struggled to master my heart. It is usually easy for me to wrap my mind around the things God asks of me; my heart is another matter. I tried explaining to a friend once: "Most of the time I'm all right, but sometimes I just feel like telling God, 'That's just too hard!'"
When I was a young Christian, just starting out in my walk with God, I used to pray that God would give me a hard task, one that no one else could do. And He has done so; I have been consecrated for this single, holy purpose. I prayed for a hard task; should I be surprised, or angry with God, for answering that prayer? I am so very grateful for the impetuous, faith-filled prayers that marked the beginning of my walk with God; I will not lie--I think twice now before I pray for something, counting the cost. Because God does indeed answer prayers; He just doesn't always answer in the way I would like, and He never answers in the way I would expect! Answered prayers can be painful, at times.
Some people might dismiss these times of spiritual weariness as depression; but it's not that simple. When Satan has worn away at me like water dripping on a rock, no amount of cheering up is going to soothe the soreness of my soul. It takes prayer--my prayers, the intercession of my friends, and the intercession of the Holy Spirit. At all times, I am engaged in spiritual warfare; but sometimes I just need to drop my sword and cry for awhile. It's not a sin to be sad, nor are tears and pain an indication of faithlessness. Just take a look at the the story of Job or the psalms of David. Having been weary with sorrow to the point of death Himself, I know that my Lord knows my pain and aches with me. When I run into my Father's arms, He catches me and holds me close; He lets me cry myself to sleep in His arms. When I wake, He bolsters my strength and reminds me of His, as He did for Elijah in the desert. Only then can I take up my sword again to do battle.
"[The LORD] gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might, He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young man shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."
-Isaiah 40:29-31, NKJV
