"The way is unutterably hard, and at every moment we are in danger of straying from it."
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
So... my purity band went missing the other day. It wasn't my fault; I always take my jewelry off before bed, and I left my rings on the bathroom shelf. They were there in the morning when I got up to take a shower. But when I went back later to put my jewelry on... my engagement ring still sat there (thank heavens!), but my "true love waits" ring was missing.
I wasn't terribly concerned at first; I figured that one of my cats had knocked it down. I began to look around on the floor, kind of casually. When I didn't find it right away, my concern mounted. I started moving things and looking in, around and behind them, wondering where the ring could possibly have disappeared to.
Now, I am very obsessive compulsive when it comes to something I have misplaced. Until it is found, I have no rest, and it is difficult for me to concentrate on anything else. I become irritable, and I expect other people to help me until I have recovered that which I have lost. My family knows this and humors me; my mother, brother and sister all helped me to look for the ring, but to no avail. I looked for about an hour and half before calling it quits, intending to return to the search later with new eyes and less frustration.
I ended up searching for three days. Every time I went into the bathroom, I made a point to look again. My frustration and concern mounted with each moment it was missing, compounded by the fact that I knew it had to be right there in front of my eyes; I just wasn't seeing it. Then, last night, in a hopelessly half-hearted search attempt, I shifted the laundry basket away from the wall to look behind it one more time.
Lo and behold... there it was.
I immediately snatched it up and put it on my finger, and have not removed it since. I am guarding it carefully. I certainly won't be casually setting it down on the bathroom shelf ever again! Now here's the thing... it's just a sterling silver band engraved with the words "true love waits." It's just a piece of metal. However, it represents the promise I made to God to keep myself sexually pure until marriage, and I knew from the moment I lost it that God was going to use it as an object lesson.
"How can a young person live a pure life? By obeying Your word."
-Psalm 119:9, NCV
The struggle for purity the way God defines it--purity of heart, mind and body--is a hard one for me; and I know that it is hard for many others. That's because God doesn't define purity as a line in the sand, saying, "This far and no farther." To God, purity is a direction. Flee fast and hard from temptations, He says, and pursue righteousness.
"Now flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."
-2 Timothy 2:22, NASB
It is relatively easy to give the outward appearance of purity. It is easy to dress modestly and behave appropriately. For me, it is even relatively easy to keep a rein on my tongue and avoid sexual joking. However, God cares little for the outward appearance, for He is privy to my thoughts and can see the condition of my heart.
Inward purity, of the sort Jesus taught when He said that if a man so much as looks at woman lustfully he has already committed adultery with her in his heart, is a much harder thing to obtain. It is not my eyes, however, that lead me to compromise. I struggle most with my thoughts.
Impure and lustful thoughts are an addictive sin. They are easy to justify: I'm not lusting; I'm just daydreaming. I'm not hurting anyone else. It's not as bad as physical impurity. They are secret; no one sees, except God, so it is easy to deceive myself. Like a frog slowly brought to boil, I don't even realize my own danger. And of course, when you sow a thought, you reap an action. Impurity is not a destination you reach suddenly; it is a path you head down, one little step at a time.
All too often, I treat my purity as casually as I treated my ring when I tossed it onto the bathroom shelf. I don't give it a second thought; I don't guard it as carefully as I ought to. Then Satan comes in and whisks it away, and for awhile I don't even notice that it's gone. When I do notice, I am anxious and upset, and until I turn to God in repentance I have no rest.
A ring is small. It is an easy thing to misplace and a hard thing to find, as evidenced by my three-day search. Purity is equally precious and elusive. I have not removed my purity band since I recovered it last night, and I intend to treat it with special care, so as never to lose it again. I intend to do the same thing with my purity; I am going to guard my heart, mind and body closely. My goal is to live completely pure and free from sinful thoughts and actions from now until my wedding day. This is such an enormous goal that I know I cannot reach it on my own. However:
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
-Philippians 4:13, NKJV
