I am sure all of heaven's heard me cry
As I tell You all the reasons why
This life is just too hard
By day by day, without fail
I'm finding everything I need
And everything that You are to me
Every time I breathe You seem a little bit closer
I never want to leave
I want to stay in Your warm embrace
Basking in the glory shining from Your face
And every time I get another glimpse of Your heart
I realize it's true
That You are so marvelous, God
And I am so in love with You
Now how could I, after knowing One so great
Respond to You in any way
That's less than all I have to give?
But by Your grace I want to love You
Not with what I say, but every day
In the way my life is lived
Wrapped in Your mercy I want to live
And never leave
I am held by how humble
And overwhelmed by Your majesty
Captured by grace now I'm finding
I am free
You are marvelous, God
And knowing You is everything
("Every Time I Breathe," by Big Daddy Weave)
Writer's block is frustrating. So many thoughts, but no words. I sat down to my computer so many times, intending to write an end-of-year post, but I was at a loss as to how I could even begin to put the past year down in writing. There have been towering mountains and plunging valleys along my spiritual journey this year; great joy, and great pain. Even thinking about it is sobering.
New Year's Eve has long been my favorite holiday; the old is passing away, and the new is coming. Last night's bonfire was the perfect way to celebrate. The smell of woodsmoke, and the sight of sparks flying upward into the clear, starry sky above was breathtakingly beautiful, and brought relief and rest to my spirit. Nearer to midnight, I was playing praise and worship songs on my guitar when I came across "Every Time I Breathe" in my songbook. Perfect.
As I played and sang--and the New Year rang in--I realized what all of the events of the past year have in common. So many times throughout 2010 I would pray, "Lord, draw me closer to you." And He has been faithful to answer that prayer. Through the calm and through the storm, He has never let me go, and is ever and always drawing me closer to Him.
The more I seek You
The more I find You
The more I find You
The more I love You
I want to sit at Your feet
Drink from the cup in Your hand
Lay back against You and breathe
Feel Your heart beat
This love is so deep
It's more than I can stand
I melt in Your peace
It's overwhelming
("The More I Seek You," by Kari Jobe)
"You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13, ESV)
God never answers prayer the way I expect Him to; I suppose I ought to learn to expect the unexpected. But He is always faithful to answer, and He never fails to seek the best for His beloved. I have spent the past year learning to trust Him on an entirely different level; I have been to a desperate place of prayer, knowing that nothing and no one could save me apart from my God. I have prayed, "Increase my faith!" I have prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as You will." I have prayed, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." I have sat in silence and waited in acute anticipation of an answer... meanwhile the answer was being worked out in my heart as I waited.
He is faithful even when I am faithless; He has grown me up in faith, in the past year. But I find this paradox at work--whenever I grow, I find that there is more of God to know. Every year I grow, I find Him bigger. Therefore, my prayer for the New Year is this, that I might trust in the Lord with all my heart, and not lean on my own understanding, and to acknowledge Him in all my ways... and give Him glory.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Lead Me
Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams
But what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone
("Lead Me," by Sanctus Real)
Revelations tend to hit me at two or three in the morning, when talking to good friends. This one was no exception. I have gone the whole of my Christian life without a mentor. I have had people of great influence in my life, and I do not want to belittle anything that they have done; they have helped me immeasurably and have been an integral part of shaping my character. I am grateful to them; they have taught me many things. But I have always wished and prayed for something more... and I have almost given up on finding it.
Perhaps it would be helpful if I gave my definition of a mentor. Early in my Christian walk, I looked long and hard for a mentor. But my search was in vain. Do you know why? Because first and foremost, a mentor is an initiator. A mentor is a person who can see in you what you cannot yet see in yourself. A mentor is a person who can see the potential through all the pride and pretensions, and who makes it the object of their life to draw that potential out into the open. I could ask a thousand people what they see in me; a mentor is a person who has seen it already. It didn't do me any good to go looking for a mentor... because the mentor was supposed to have been looking for me.
"So Elijah went and found Elisha son of Shaphat plowing a field. There were twelve teams of oxen in the field, and Elisha was plowing with the twelfth team. Elijah went over to him and threw his cloak across his shoulders and then walked away. Elisha left the oxen standing there, ran after Elijah, and said to him, 'First let me go and kiss my father and mother goodbye, and then I will go with you!' Elijah replied, 'Go on back, but think about what I have done to you." (1 Kings 19:19-20, NLT)
It is of no little importance that Elijah, the greatest prophet of his day, sought out his successor, Elisha. Elijah found his young protégé hard at his regular work; Elisha was no slacker. He was doing all that he knew to do. But Elijah knew, because God had revealed it to him, that Elisha was destined to do greater things. In one majestic and meaningful moment, the great prophet threw his own cloak over the shoulders of the young man and began to walk away--a clear invitation for Elisha to follow; to become all that Elijah was, and more.
For the next twenty years, Elisha would follow hard on Elijah's heels, seeking to become a holy man just like him. Elijah invested himself in raising up Elisha to lead after him; he poured himself into Elisha's life, and spent himself for the sake of that one young man. A mentor is not only an initiator; a mentor is also an investor. Do you think it is any small coincidence that Christ himself spent most of his earthly ministry with a group of just twelve un-extraordinary young men? And out of those twelve, he gave special attention to just three--Peter, James and John. What was going on there? Favoritism? No! Mentorship!
"'The person who trusts Me will not only do what I'm doing, but even greater things, because I, on My way to the Father, am giving you the same work to do that I've been doing.'" (John 14:12, MSG)
Jesus knew that He was not long for this world; so he invested what time He had in those who would carry on His work after He had returned to His Father. He gave all that He had in the short term, because He was thinking long-term; He saw far beyond the snapshot to the bigger picture. Christ taught his disciples; He talked with and listened to them. He spent countless hours with them. He prayed for them. He was not expecting an immediate return on His investment, and he received none--in His hour of greatest need, all but one of the twelve men he had poured three years of his life into, deserted Him. But all save one went on to become the greatest leaders history has ever known; their message has spread to the ends of the earth; they changed the world. This is the kind of self-sacrifice mentorship demands. To be a mentor is to invest your whole self in another person; it is a risk, and you may never see a reward. Count the cost! Is it worth it?
"'I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved.'" (2 Corinthians 12:15, NKJV)
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams
But what about us?
Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone
("Lead Me," by Sanctus Real)
Revelations tend to hit me at two or three in the morning, when talking to good friends. This one was no exception. I have gone the whole of my Christian life without a mentor. I have had people of great influence in my life, and I do not want to belittle anything that they have done; they have helped me immeasurably and have been an integral part of shaping my character. I am grateful to them; they have taught me many things. But I have always wished and prayed for something more... and I have almost given up on finding it.
Perhaps it would be helpful if I gave my definition of a mentor. Early in my Christian walk, I looked long and hard for a mentor. But my search was in vain. Do you know why? Because first and foremost, a mentor is an initiator. A mentor is a person who can see in you what you cannot yet see in yourself. A mentor is a person who can see the potential through all the pride and pretensions, and who makes it the object of their life to draw that potential out into the open. I could ask a thousand people what they see in me; a mentor is a person who has seen it already. It didn't do me any good to go looking for a mentor... because the mentor was supposed to have been looking for me.
"So Elijah went and found Elisha son of Shaphat plowing a field. There were twelve teams of oxen in the field, and Elisha was plowing with the twelfth team. Elijah went over to him and threw his cloak across his shoulders and then walked away. Elisha left the oxen standing there, ran after Elijah, and said to him, 'First let me go and kiss my father and mother goodbye, and then I will go with you!' Elijah replied, 'Go on back, but think about what I have done to you." (1 Kings 19:19-20, NLT)
It is of no little importance that Elijah, the greatest prophet of his day, sought out his successor, Elisha. Elijah found his young protégé hard at his regular work; Elisha was no slacker. He was doing all that he knew to do. But Elijah knew, because God had revealed it to him, that Elisha was destined to do greater things. In one majestic and meaningful moment, the great prophet threw his own cloak over the shoulders of the young man and began to walk away--a clear invitation for Elisha to follow; to become all that Elijah was, and more.
For the next twenty years, Elisha would follow hard on Elijah's heels, seeking to become a holy man just like him. Elijah invested himself in raising up Elisha to lead after him; he poured himself into Elisha's life, and spent himself for the sake of that one young man. A mentor is not only an initiator; a mentor is also an investor. Do you think it is any small coincidence that Christ himself spent most of his earthly ministry with a group of just twelve un-extraordinary young men? And out of those twelve, he gave special attention to just three--Peter, James and John. What was going on there? Favoritism? No! Mentorship!
"'The person who trusts Me will not only do what I'm doing, but even greater things, because I, on My way to the Father, am giving you the same work to do that I've been doing.'" (John 14:12, MSG)
Jesus knew that He was not long for this world; so he invested what time He had in those who would carry on His work after He had returned to His Father. He gave all that He had in the short term, because He was thinking long-term; He saw far beyond the snapshot to the bigger picture. Christ taught his disciples; He talked with and listened to them. He spent countless hours with them. He prayed for them. He was not expecting an immediate return on His investment, and he received none--in His hour of greatest need, all but one of the twelve men he had poured three years of his life into, deserted Him. But all save one went on to become the greatest leaders history has ever known; their message has spread to the ends of the earth; they changed the world. This is the kind of self-sacrifice mentorship demands. To be a mentor is to invest your whole self in another person; it is a risk, and you may never see a reward. Count the cost! Is it worth it?
"'I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved.'" (2 Corinthians 12:15, NKJV)
"Sometimes leadership is planting trees under whose shade you will never sit." -Jennifer Granholm
Mentors are not only initiators and investors; they are also inspirers. Their lives are exemplary; admirable and integrous. Their depth of character convicts and incites others to action. Their love for God is staggering. Other people see them and think, "I want to be just like them." Mentors have first been taught by God; passed like silver through the refining fires of trial and hardship. Their journey with God has been strenuous; they have been pushed to the very limits of their faith. A mentor is one who walks closely with God; who follows hard after Him. That intimacy, lived out, is what draws the attention of others. That is what puts an ache into the hearts of those who see. That is the reason Elisha left the oxen standing in the field; that is the reason Peter, James and John abandoned their nets. That is the reason the Apostle Paul could say:
"Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." (1 Corinthians 11:1, NIV)
A mentor requires no other qualifications or credentials than a relationship with God and a call from Him. Christians are called to live lives of influence; they are called to mentor and to disciple! Feelings of unworthiness do not exempt anyone! Before he sought out Elisha, Elijah was hiding out in the desert, begging God to let him die. He was utterly discouraged and despairing. It took a glimpse of God's glory, and the intimacy of a whisper, to remind Elijah of his passion and purpose. And the first task God set him? Raising up leaders. (1 Kings 19:1-18)
So, Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way to lead them
Won't You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone
("Lead Me," by Sanctus Real)
Who, I wonder, will seek me out? I am hard at my regular work! Come and find me! Surely you can see something yet to be drawn out in me? Throw your cloak over my shoulders; I am willing to humble myself under you and be taught. Are you willing to spend yourself for my sake? I want to follow hard after you as you follow hard after Christ. Lead me!
This is not just my prayer; this is the prayer of many young people! Will you accept the call to mentorship?
This is not just my prayer; this is the prayer of many young people! Will you accept the call to mentorship?
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
One Life to Love
Teach me to number my days
Count every moment
Before it slips away
Take in all the colors
Before they fade to gray
I don't want to miss
Even just a second
More of of this
It happens in a blink
It happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight
But there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life?
It happens in a blink
When it's all said and done
No one remembers
How far we have run
The only thing that matters
Is how we have loved
I don't want to miss
Even just a second
More of this
Slow down, slow down
Before today becomes our yesterday
Slow down, slow down
Before you turn around and it's too late
("Blink," by Revive)
Ah... what to say? What to say? I am at a loss for words. I have cried so much. My head is throbbing, and there is an ache in my chest that will not go away. One of my dear friends, Jonathan Schipper, who is like a brother to me, was shot and killed in the MACU dormitory on Sunday afternoon by another student. The last time I saw Jon, I told him that I loved him, but I didn't let him give me a hug goodnight. Oh, oh, how I wish I had. How I wish I could go back, and hold him close. But life doesn't work that way. There is no rewind button.
Rumors are flying. Cameras and reporters are on campus. I would like to punch a few people in the face. Shut up. Go away. Leave us in peace. These are things I would like to say... but I don't. Today I walked down to East Campus, to the Ebenezer Stone. "Thus far has the LORD helped us," the inscription reads. Jon loved to walk down there; it was where he talked with God, and did battle with Satan, on behalf of his family, his friends and his school. I walked down there to be alone, to cry, and to say, "Love you, miss you, see you." Schipper never said goodbye, and he hated to hear those words from anyone else. It was always, "Love you, miss you, see you." And we will.
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times, I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you?
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is
Then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through, somehow?
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me, Lord, 'cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why, I wonder if I'll ever know?
But even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
'Cause I'm still here so far away from home
In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold on to Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
("Homesick," by MercyMe)
To live is Christ... to die is gain. And I'm torn between the two. Our loss is Jon's gain; I know he's looking down at me and growling at me the way he used to whenever I was upset... Chin up, darlin'. I rejoiced with laughter when it dawned on me for the first time, that Jon not only got to meet his Maker on Sunday afternoon, but also his two siblings, whom he loved very dearly. What a happy reunion that must have been! He is well remembered; I spent the afternoon and evening with our closest friends; we took turns talking about his quirks, telling stories and jokes on him like we always have--Schipper loved it when we joked on him about his puns, or about being an "old man." He lived vicariously through Wolverine, the character from the X-Men comics. We've had plenty of laughs imagining that when Peter met Jon at the gate with his crown, Jon said, "I'll pass on the crown; I'd rather have the claws." Ah... Logan... how I love you.
We have more of Jon than mere memories, though. We have his legacy. He had great love and passion for children yet to be born; that passion led him to encourage a friend to have her baby despite severe health risks, and all advice to the contrary from doctors. She decided not to heed their advice, but to listen to Jon and trust in God. Doctors are now eating their words. A child will be a born because of Jonathan Schipper; for that, I cry happy tears.
Jon loved to get us all together to pray; on Sunday night, after we learned of his death, the entire student body gathered in the chapel to pray. MACU alumni in forty-five states and thirteen countries were praying with us. Sister schools and churches all over the world were praying with us. We are all praying, still. I'm sure he is very pleased with himself. I laughed out loud when I first thought of that, leaned over and whispered it to another friend, who also laughed out loud before wrapping his arms around me and telling me that he would pretend I was crying, so people wouldn't judge me. I laughed harder--who cares what people think? Schipper never did.
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
("Legacy," Nichole Nordeman)
They called for open mic during the prayer service, so people could share a memory, a verse, a thought, or a prayer if they so chose. All those who shared memories spoke of the love they could see in Schipper. He made a point of saying hello to everyone he knew, whenever he saw them. When Schipper asked how you were doing, he meant for you to tell him--he wouldn't be put off by a casual, "I'm fine." He got to know a lot of the freshmen, this year. He wanted to know them; he wanted them to feel like a part of the MACU family. Jon used to talk to me about his warrior spirit; I used to tell him he was a lover, not a fighter. I now believe he is both. He fought to love, and he fought for those he loved in prayer. I know he did battle with Satan on my behalf this summer, when I was struggling with the sin of hatred and a spirit of unforgiveness. Oh... how he loved.
You only get just one time around
You only get one shot at this
One chance to find out
The one thing that you don't want to miss
One day when it's all said and done
I hope you see that it was enough
This one ride
One try
One life to love
("One Life to Love," by 33 Miles)
When I went down to the Ebenezer Stone today, I talked with Jon for just a little while; I felt that I had a few things to say:
"Logan... you know I hate making promises, and that I don't make promises I can't keep. But I promise I'll keep my chin up. I promise I won't give up. I promise I'll press forward, and do what God has called me to do. And I promise I will love."
"Be alert. Continue strong in the faith. Have courage, and be strong. Do everything in love."
-1 Corinthians 16:13-14, NCV
(I request that readers be in prayer for Mid-Atlantic Christian University, for the Schipper family, for the family of the other student involved, and for those who were close to both students. Pray for truth, love, and peace. God bless.)
Count every moment
Before it slips away
Take in all the colors
Before they fade to gray
I don't want to miss
Even just a second
More of of this
It happens in a blink
It happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight
But there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life?
It happens in a blink
When it's all said and done
No one remembers
How far we have run
The only thing that matters
Is how we have loved
I don't want to miss
Even just a second
More of this
Slow down, slow down
Before today becomes our yesterday
Slow down, slow down
Before you turn around and it's too late
("Blink," by Revive)
Ah... what to say? What to say? I am at a loss for words. I have cried so much. My head is throbbing, and there is an ache in my chest that will not go away. One of my dear friends, Jonathan Schipper, who is like a brother to me, was shot and killed in the MACU dormitory on Sunday afternoon by another student. The last time I saw Jon, I told him that I loved him, but I didn't let him give me a hug goodnight. Oh, oh, how I wish I had. How I wish I could go back, and hold him close. But life doesn't work that way. There is no rewind button.
Rumors are flying. Cameras and reporters are on campus. I would like to punch a few people in the face. Shut up. Go away. Leave us in peace. These are things I would like to say... but I don't. Today I walked down to East Campus, to the Ebenezer Stone. "Thus far has the LORD helped us," the inscription reads. Jon loved to walk down there; it was where he talked with God, and did battle with Satan, on behalf of his family, his friends and his school. I walked down there to be alone, to cry, and to say, "Love you, miss you, see you." Schipper never said goodbye, and he hated to hear those words from anyone else. It was always, "Love you, miss you, see you." And we will.
You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times, I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you?
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is
Then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through, somehow?
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me, Lord, 'cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why, I wonder if I'll ever know?
But even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
'Cause I'm still here so far away from home
In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold on to Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
("Homesick," by MercyMe)
To live is Christ... to die is gain. And I'm torn between the two. Our loss is Jon's gain; I know he's looking down at me and growling at me the way he used to whenever I was upset... Chin up, darlin'. I rejoiced with laughter when it dawned on me for the first time, that Jon not only got to meet his Maker on Sunday afternoon, but also his two siblings, whom he loved very dearly. What a happy reunion that must have been! He is well remembered; I spent the afternoon and evening with our closest friends; we took turns talking about his quirks, telling stories and jokes on him like we always have--Schipper loved it when we joked on him about his puns, or about being an "old man." He lived vicariously through Wolverine, the character from the X-Men comics. We've had plenty of laughs imagining that when Peter met Jon at the gate with his crown, Jon said, "I'll pass on the crown; I'd rather have the claws." Ah... Logan... how I love you.
We have more of Jon than mere memories, though. We have his legacy. He had great love and passion for children yet to be born; that passion led him to encourage a friend to have her baby despite severe health risks, and all advice to the contrary from doctors. She decided not to heed their advice, but to listen to Jon and trust in God. Doctors are now eating their words. A child will be a born because of Jonathan Schipper; for that, I cry happy tears.
Jon loved to get us all together to pray; on Sunday night, after we learned of his death, the entire student body gathered in the chapel to pray. MACU alumni in forty-five states and thirteen countries were praying with us. Sister schools and churches all over the world were praying with us. We are all praying, still. I'm sure he is very pleased with himself. I laughed out loud when I first thought of that, leaned over and whispered it to another friend, who also laughed out loud before wrapping his arms around me and telling me that he would pretend I was crying, so people wouldn't judge me. I laughed harder--who cares what people think? Schipper never did.
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy
("Legacy," Nichole Nordeman)
They called for open mic during the prayer service, so people could share a memory, a verse, a thought, or a prayer if they so chose. All those who shared memories spoke of the love they could see in Schipper. He made a point of saying hello to everyone he knew, whenever he saw them. When Schipper asked how you were doing, he meant for you to tell him--he wouldn't be put off by a casual, "I'm fine." He got to know a lot of the freshmen, this year. He wanted to know them; he wanted them to feel like a part of the MACU family. Jon used to talk to me about his warrior spirit; I used to tell him he was a lover, not a fighter. I now believe he is both. He fought to love, and he fought for those he loved in prayer. I know he did battle with Satan on my behalf this summer, when I was struggling with the sin of hatred and a spirit of unforgiveness. Oh... how he loved.
You only get just one time around
You only get one shot at this
One chance to find out
The one thing that you don't want to miss
One day when it's all said and done
I hope you see that it was enough
This one ride
One try
One life to love
("One Life to Love," by 33 Miles)
When I went down to the Ebenezer Stone today, I talked with Jon for just a little while; I felt that I had a few things to say:
"Logan... you know I hate making promises, and that I don't make promises I can't keep. But I promise I'll keep my chin up. I promise I won't give up. I promise I'll press forward, and do what God has called me to do. And I promise I will love."
"Be alert. Continue strong in the faith. Have courage, and be strong. Do everything in love."
-1 Corinthians 16:13-14, NCV
(I request that readers be in prayer for Mid-Atlantic Christian University, for the Schipper family, for the family of the other student involved, and for those who were close to both students. Pray for truth, love, and peace. God bless.)
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